I have spent the past two months in a stupor of sorts. Living, but not living at the same time. It's the same routine day after day. And you know what, that's pretty much exactly what I need right now. Routine is a good thing. But then again, I also feel myself sinking into a depression of sorts. Part of that reason is that I am such a freaking basket case that I don't know where to go from here. I have thought about going to counseling for myself and getting help there, but at the same time is is something that I am unsure of. Going to give it some more thought.
So what do I call the soon to be ex-husband? My ex, the s.o.b., butthead, dufus? You name it I have literally thought of all kinds of names to call him on here. Because obviously I don't want to put his real name even though I should just to warn off unsuspecting females to beware of men with his caliber of personality. But I like to think that I am above such things, but then again at the same time, I don't want another woman to fall into the same pit of despair that I am in at the moment. So I think we are just going to stick with the term "ex".
At Christmas, he literally acted like a 2 year old because he didn't like his Christmas gifts. I got him a pair of jeans, a movie, and something else that escapes my mind. His parents got him a new drill and they got me a Sony Reader (like a Kindle). He was moaning and groaning that they got me a $250 gift and him a $30 gift that he didn't need because he already had one. The ex got me a $50 watch and some baby "bags" to put dirty diapers in. The watch was great and everything, because I needed one, but I didn't need an expensive one. I would have been happy with a $10 watch from Walmart or Target. And for the baby "bags" well they are okay, but I was planning on using plastic bags from the grocery store to put dirty diapers in. But the ex literally acted like a spoiled child because he didn't get what he wanted for Christmas. I told him to basically grow up and to be grateful for what he got. He kids certainly enjoyed their gifts. Oh, now I remember what else he got, he got a nerf gun because we were going to my sister's house for new years and planning a family nerf war. But it's like he couldn't even be grateful for the little stuff and had to go and throw a temper tantrum. Good grief!
So the ex over the past 2 months has almost literally made my life a living hell. (Yes I am very much aware that it takes two in a marriage and that I am not innocent when it comes to my marriage falling apart. However, I am venting and you are just going to have to suck it up.) My sister and I made a special trip in early February to another state where I used to live with the ex in order to retrieve some personal items. I was hoping that he wouldn't be there and I could just sneak in and get the stuff with out him finding out. Plus I found out hat he had been on the same website where we met chatting with other people. I was hoping to get copies of the conversations from his laptop. Well my "stealth" mission didn't go as planned. I tried to find out when he would be at work so I could go in, but he wouldn't tell me. So I basically had to tell him I was there in town for a family function and I wanted the last of my stuff that I knew about. He wanted to talk about "us" and the divorce and everything before he gave me my stuff. I honestly felt like my personal items were being held hostage unless I sat down and talked with him. Well the long and short of it was, I had to talk to him and made an "agreement" of sorts to agree to skype with him once a week and "talk". Thankfully my sister was there to help me and I said what I had to say in order to retrieve my personal items. I didn't get all of them, because the ex couldn't find them, but I was able to grab some of my purses and my classic movies. I left all my children's movies behind and everything else. I don't want them. They can be replaced. But I wanted some of my "girlie" movies like Pride and Prejudice and the rest of my Jane Austen collection. I also wanted my series of McLeod's Daughters. I couldn't find McLeod's but that's okay, I figured that they could also be replaced with time. It was torture just being around him.
I have literally had to block his phone number because of the amount of times that he has tried to call me. It's not good for me or my unborn baby to go through this emotional turmoil. It's not like this is a freaking piece of cake. I remember one time when he called on a new number and I didn't know it was him until I picked up the phone. We got into it and he made the comment that I should give him the baby when it's born and be done with it. I was like no way in heck am I giving him my child. He can't even take care of the three kids that he has from his previous marriage on his own. What makes him think he can take care of a newborn? Seriously.
So despite all the crap that he has put be through, I know that all of this isn't easy on him due to all the crap he went through with his ex-wife. But I really just don't care. He has caused the majority of the drama between him and his ex-wife and put me through so much crap and emotional turmoil, that I find that I refuse to put up with anymore. He emailed me late on Sunday night to tell me that he was checking himself into a place. (I believe it is a mental hospital.) I responded back and asked him like 9 or so questions. He only answered 1/2 of them because as he puts it, "He doesn't trust me" not to serve him the divorce papers while he is in this institution. Then he wanted to know if I was going to use it against him in court. You know what, if you have to go and check yourself into a mental facility because you can't deal with the emotions of real life, you can bet I am going to use it against you. Did I get emotional when he told me what he was planning on doing, heck yes I did. I felt guilty for about 30 seconds and then realized that this was his choice, his decision. Leave it at that.
My lawyer has tried to deliver the paperwork to serve him several times, but he has never supposedly been "home". Which I know is a load of crock. He will do anything and everything to avoid being served and this is based upon his past behavior with his ex-wife. He has asked me repeatedly for 2 weeks with no threat of being served to try and work out the issues. I refuse to go that route. It is his way of delaying the inevitable. So while he is in the mental institution my lawyer is putting an ad in the paper for the next three weeks. He will be out of the institution before the ad ends in the paper. He refuses to tell me where he is moving to and come to find out he has to be out of the aparment that we shared together by saturday 3/26. He won't even be out of the institution until next week sometime. Oh well, his loss. But at the same time, it's sad.
Oh, did I mention that I found out he went onto the same website where we met and was chatting with other women that were single and him still married? He was doing this not even 24 hours after I left. GRRRRRR!!! And he had some woman send him photos of herself. Not that they were "dirty" pictures or anything like that. But to me, that is cheating. As soon as I found that out, I took off my wedding rings and haven't put them on since.
So I guess that's about it for now. I will write more later and maybe it will be more positive. But right now, I need to get out the negative.
Summer
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